To my Darling Zayan,
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry it had to end this way.
I'm sorry I left you heart broken, as you said I did.
I'm sorry you had to put up with my bullshit.
I'm sorry I had to give up that fast.
I wish I could give up on giving us more chances entirely, but I cant.
I wish you never had to ask me for a second chance in the first place.
I wish I could just turn every fight and disagreement around...
Make both of us equally as happy and shit...
I'd wish for a lot of things.
But nobody can have everything they want.
And if I cant have you the way I've always wanted,
Then so be it...
I wish I don't have to be so bloody irritating,
I wish you could just be happy when it comes to important things...
Like when you proposed,
Amelin, I love you....I will never... bla bla bla negative talk... cheat on you...bla bla bla more negative talk... Will you be my girlfriend?
Or when it was my birthday,
Happy Birthday Babe, I love you... Im so sorry for... bla bla bla negative talk again...
I wish you'd understand, maybe you do, I dont know.
I wish you'd be happy.
I wish I'd be happy.
I wish this doesn't have to feel like such a failure.
You don't deserve that.
And I wish you'd read this, somehow... Coz im pretty sure you haven't visited my blog in months. You've probably forgot that I have one.
I'd have done anything for you and you know how much you mean to me.
But everything is fucked up, and I guess this is the only way.
Like really, what else can we do?
Everytime when it felt like it was YOU who was screwing things us for any reason whatsoever, I'd just remind myself that i'm not perfect either.
And then everything becomes fine again =)
But what happens when I'm screwing things up?
You shouldn't have got involved in the first place...
I hate that some of my friends hate you.
I hate that they dont know you like I do...
But I don't know you as well.
I....
Have run out of things to say.
Finally!
Lately, its like I dont have an endless stretch of things to complain to you about.
But im just gonna shut up now.
Coz I really really dontt have anything more to type.
